The yin and yang in me

Most people think of male and female when you talk about yin and yang but the meaning goes much deeper and is much more fluent than this.

For me the yin and yang that I feel today is the satisfaction and the dissatisfaction in my life. I feel these in union not as opposing energies but as the same driving force. yin and yang

You see there are many things that I am really happy with. I don’t want to use the world grateful here as that almost seems like I should be grateful to someone or some unseen energy; which I’m not. I have worked, hard for the happiness that I have in my life.

There are equally areas in my life that feel uncomfortable; too tight a fit, not quite right and in need of adjustment. These areas of discomfort used to bother me, like a stone in my shoes I would be aware of them and feel that I needed to be rid of them.

I don’t feel that way about them any more though. I see them instead as an opportunity to grow, as a chance to reveal new and exciting layers in myself and for me to continue to develop.

They no longer feel like something I need to get rid of or something that I should feel ashamed to be carrying. Instead I see them like a gift because they give me a map of where I want to go to. They are the flag poles in my path that allow me to sense where it is I am going and where it is that I want to go.

This transition is a new one because I have the pot equally balanced. There are now as many things that I am happy and proud of as there are things that I know I still want to achieve. At a time when there seemed like nothing but things to shoot for and nothing that I was happy with; that was when the yin and yang went against me and there wasn’t that harmony and unity.

It’s taken something like ten years. For me to really scratch the itch inside of me. Ten years ago when I started sensing that there as more to life and that I could achieve it. Ten years of wondering how to get to that point and going through a thousand life changes to get there.

It feels both empowering and exciting because I can now see the wood for the trees and know that there is so much more to come but that the challenges now will be more enjoyable and peaceful somehow.

I don’t know if it seems like a long time or a short time because it seems like both to me. I do know that there are many more years of discovery and of using this balance of good and bad, negative and positive. We are never one thing; not ever. So for me the yin and yang inside me is just fine and finally petty neat and tidy.


Beauty is in the mind of the beholder


They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder but I don’t think this is exactly true. Whilst some people may have found me attractive over the years, others have seen only my flaws.

Attractiveness is about many things but for most people beauty is something that they have been programmed to see in a particular way.

It takes minutes to program someone’s mind and to reprogram their mind on how they perceive beauty. Told enough times that skinny is beauty and they will see only beauty in someone who is skinny.

More than that though people can ‘see’ someone in a certain light based on their own ‘stuff’ be it insecurities or desires. What if one person finds me beautiful because they sense my own insecurities and this gives them an opportunity to manipulate or it makes them feel good because of their insecurities? What is another person finds me attractive because I seem to have child bearing hips and they subconsciously are accessing me for motherhood, tapping into their inner caveman? Do I want them to be attracted to me for these reasons? Are these the things that I want people to notice or feel?

Beauty and attractiveness is not a set formula nor something that is stagnant or still.. On days when I feel more attractive and able to project my energy and confidence; I get more of a positive reaction from people. So therefore it is not how they see me on that day but how I see and indeed how I feel about myself.

Maybe my brain waves of “I feel good” hit that’s persons mind and they can feel that positive vibration and it influences how they see me? Maybe it changes how they feel about themselves and they like the version of them that I light up within them.

What if then, rather than us being told what is beautiful we just are beautiful because we are…. well us. Isn’t that beauty in itself? Us shining wonderful examples of unique people that are secure in whoever we are in that moment?

Maybe that is the issue though. Because we don’t get encouraged to find who we are or explore our unique selves, we end up completely confused about what it is that we love about ourselves or what makes us great.

How then do we know when someone is attracted to us for the right reasons and not because of our insecurities or theirs?

If we are sending out our ‘I’m probably a bit fat’ signal or ‘I don’t have the right hair’ signal then we can be ‘attracting’ someone in based on our negative vibrations rather than our positive.

With all those signals that are negative being beamed out then I guess when someone, anyone thinks we are attractive we can jump on that because we so want to feel good and to understand what makes us who we are. Only problem is we are allowing others to shape us or define us. We are letting others govern who we are and then wondering why our own life never seems to feel quite right.

Its hard to block out the noise, to take away the thoughts and projections of the many to be left with your own voice; your own vibration and sound.

It is in there somewhere, this tiny beating of a drum inside of you just waiting for you to notice it and then grow it like the most precious of seeds.

Like a new seed it can be delicate and need time and space to grow. It needs to learn to stop the weeds of doubts from allowing it to grow and it needs to be stunning and beautiful, even if it is not like the other flowers in the garden.

Instead grow your own garden; filled with the things that you put in there that you love and that in every way shows who you are. It takes time; it takes patience and some determination but in the end your beauty will be your very own and then if no one else agrees, it really will not matter because you will forever be at home in your own self.

Beauty is so many things and you could argue and talk about what the elements of beauty are. They will be different for everyone and they should be. I know for me beauty is unique; its powerful and its something that we create not others.